Loving Him
About 3 weeks ago, I left hubby a note before I went to bed, because I wanted to book family photos the next day. He didn't respond, and I booked the photo shoot anyway. That's a story for another blog, or maybe a few blogs. Long story super short, photo day came and he graciously participated.
He's been growing a beard for a while now. I'm not the biggest fan of this look on him, but it's better than when he shaves it into a goatee...
Here's the deal. Facial hair or not what I love is him: I love the way he loves me, I love the way he loves his children, I love his big generous heart, I love his funny comments.... I love us, all 20+ years of us and our beautiful family. THAT's what family pictures are meant to capture.
But guess what he does one hour before family photos....
GOATEE
UGH!
Deep breath. I have two choices: complain, or let it go. In light of the reasons I love him, I not only kept my mouth shut about the new look, I decided to outwardly show him my affection. I chose to LOVE him, not his goatee.
Insert self-coaching here, because this stuff is easier said than done. The easy way would have been to self-righteously complain or get mad. A walk through my model lies below this quick video.
"The Model"- a Brooke Castillo process, with an Amanda Kingsley twist...
SITUATION
- Hubby shaves into a goatee
MY THOUGHT ABOUT THE SITUATION
- “Why did he do that? He "knows" I hate when he has a goatee.”
THE FEELING THIS THOUGHT TRIGGERS
- Frustration and some hurt
THE ACTION I TAKE FROM THIS FEELING
- Make snide remarks, get angry, or go to the photo shoot feeling hurt that he would do something he "knows" I don't like.
THE RESULT OF THIS ACTION
- Cranky photo shoot, marital discord.
ASK (Is this in alignment with my WHY?)
-No
The Model applied for realignment:
SAME SITUATION
- Hubby shaves into a goatee
MY NEW THOUGHT ABOUT THE SAME SITUATION
- “I love him for his insides not his outside. His body, his choice. ”
THE NEW FEELING THIS THOUGHT TRIGGERS
- LOVE
THE NEW ACTION I TAKE FROM THIS FEELING
- Expressed outright affection toward him. Held space for us to remember that family pictures are about family, not facial hair.
THE RESULT
- Happy family, great pictures, good memories.
ASK (Is this in alignment with my WHY?)
-YES!
