Decades of Shame and No Regret
Jill is a coach for fat women who want to start running – or run faster and farther – so they can feel good, stay in shape, and show the world how fabulous they are. She had 2 abortions as a young adult and shares with us her story and growth.
Learn more at:
https://notyouraveragerunner.com/
Show Notes:
“I help fat women start running… that’s what I do and I’m very passionate about it.”
“I had two abortions in my life when I was very young; it took me years to admit that to my closest friends, and even longer to stop feeling the shame about my decision even though I never regretted my decision”
“I felt a solid 30+ years feeling shame”
A lot of people wouldn’t name shame as shame.
“Letting go of beliefs about how women are supposed to be”
“My abortion story is fairly typical for many middle class white women who went to college”
“I don’t think I’ve really had a conversation with anyone about my story”
More of Jill’s story share in Facebook
“If I had gone through with those pregnancies I would not have had the life I was meant to live”
“To present myself… as a good person, I decided I’m just gonna not talk about that”
“I wanna say it’ something I’m not proud of, but I am proud of that because I think it took courage to make that decision… and to figure out how to get an abortion”
“I was terrified of telling my parents”
“How did I fuck this up?”
Great support from the school and care providers, rooted shame in from other students
“Roe v Wade being overturned awakened this rage in me”
What helped me get past the shame was “This is bullshit; people need to know”
“I can’t let what people might think of me get in the way of sharing this story”
“It didn’t interrupt my life”.... Or did it? Living with shame is an interruption
They’re using our stories against us
Here I am in all my messiness
Fat shame and Abortion shame
“It was always there, that shame… there are things I’ve done that I don’t want people to know about”
“It’s my fucking body and this is what I chose to do with it”
It’s okay to say no I don’t want this
We have to unashamed it by taking it away from the extremes
“It’s an extension of all the other things we do to our bodies that no one blinks at”
“My shame was about getting pregnant”
The choice itself exposes other choices we’ve made
“I made a mistake… the abortion was what I did to take care of it”
Realizing that was not consensual sex
“Good lord what was I thinking, but also I know what I was thinking”
“My whole life I’ve thought i thought that it was my fault for letting it happen”
“No matter how the pregnancy happened, you didn’t do anything wrong”
Self-blame leads to shame, but it’s also a way to protect ourselves
We want clarity so we use blame
Holy shit being human is hard and fucked up
“No 21 year old wants to know the answer is ‘shit happens’”
and We’re allowed to fuck up
The conversation around abortion draws our attention to so much of life’s messy
“Just because you’ve got access to something doesn’t release you from the responsibility of caring for other”
How can I take this overflow and pass it on to someone else?
We’re gonna mess up when we show up to help and it’s worth it.
“There’s no requirement to tell your story to release the shame”
@notyouraveragerunner
