Shame and Intersectionality
Simone Seol is a life coach and business mentor based in Seoul, South Korea. She hosts the Joyful Marketing podcast and works with coaches all over the world to create a revolution in love-based marketing.
Learn more at https://www.simonegraceseol.com/
Show Notes:
2:31 Simone’s Intro
3:19 “the most beautiful powerful work we can do comes from our humanity and it comes from all the parts of ourselves that society tell us is imperfect and less than and flawed and even defective”
The Shame Clinic for Entrepreneurs
6:19 “Shame kept me from going for (life)... lived a very small life and no one was keeping me small but myself because I was so afraid to do anything and fail and feel shame, to do anything and be rejected and feel shame”
7:00 “How do I stop hating myself? How do I stop living every waking second of my life with this persistent heavy knot in chest like there’s something profoundly broken about me… it hurt so so bad”
7:33 “it’s the project of our lives to learn that we are not broken”
8:23 “How do I deal with the shame that’s at the root of me feeling like shit”
8:43 “The thing that I learned that made the greatest difference was that shame, it’s not a natural emotion that humans have…
10:00 “shame doesn’t have to be a part of a well lived life… it’s taught to us by a society that gets you to understand yourself not by your own experiences by what other people say is wrong with you”
11:10 “the question isn’t whether I’m stupid or not, it’s can I trust my own experience of myself?”
13:33 “there are so few sources in our society that tell us- you can trust yourself”
14:20 “understanding our own experiences through these narratives of other people that we picked up and absorbed”
14:47 “shame is intersectional”
What is there to feel shame about when society sees you as whole human beings
16:25 “complex, insistent, codified socialization that girls go through… to disconnect ourselves from our own experience… and that is where shame begins”
referenced W.E.B. Du Bois quote
17:53 “to be a girl is to understand ourselves as a problem”
18:42 “When you know your own experience of the world…”
19:55 “it takes more than one person to get pregnant and yet it’s just people with wombs who carry shame”
20:28 “we have to fight it, we have to name it, we have to dismantle it, not to learn how to make peace with the effects of oppression”
21:00 “fix intersectional oppression”
How many men have been a part of abortion? Where’s that statistic?
Somewhere here I said “the system having broken you”. YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. I realize that came out sounding wrong and what I meant is that the system defines you as broken.
23:15 “you really can feel better; there really actually is liberation on the other side”
Trust them instead of trust yourself- that’s where shame happens
26:42 “We become capable of authentic coach client love when the clients trust themself more than” me “whole love happens when… they love each other from their respective wholeness”
Who has my power? Who took my power? How do I get it back?
29:22 “it offends people when you stop feeling ashamed... how dare you trust yourself?”
29:55 “seeing you get free reminds them they want to get free too”
31:14 “when shame stops running your life… that’s when you meet who you are”
31:35 “if you’re a creative person and you have a lot of shame, you have no fucking idea what creativity you are capable fo until you get rid of the shame”
32:30 “I don’t think I would have been able to achieve this quality of love if I didn’t know that there is nothing wrong with me”
34:19 “I think it’s possible to get 98% free from shame”
34:44 “... activate old withering neural pathways of those same shame stories… shame is a set of stories that I can’t trust myself”
36:22 “You get stronger and it doesn’ mean you never feel weak, but the muscles you built never really go away”
37:02 “What is the truth that I am telling myself? How do I regulate my nervous system?”
38:13 “when those shame attacks happen, there’s always clean pain that’s hiding underneath”
The sneaky/subtle voice shame uses “the things you take for granted that you need to fix about yourself”
43:00 Look for the shoulds
You don’t have to keep everyone in your life
45:33 “If their presence in my life helping me trust myself” “choose for yourself, not against them”
How am I unconsciously but voluntarily exposing myself to consistent shame in my life?
48:15 “we’re all a part of this intersectional oppressive matrix and you gotta choose you”
48:27 “when you feel safe in your own body and in your mind, and you trust yourself, and you fill up on that self-trust and the quality of being at ease with yourself that it the most loving kind and generous you will ever be”
@simone.grace.seol
