What I Wish... After Abortion
100 episodes! Nough said. And this episode is awesome, you should definitely listen and win things.
I hope you’re all celebrating with me because we wouldn’t be here if we weren’t all here.
Show Notes:
“Don’t leave yourself behind.”
☀️💛☀️
Don’t leave behind the piece of you who believed abortion was the right choice.
Let her be your guide.
She had a wish.
She had a dream.
She had desires that haven’t disappeared.
Life stirred up around her,
but she’s still there.
She wants you to find her and remember her.
Work with her,
not against her.
You are a team.
Your life crew includes all the versions of yourself,
all the decisions that have been made,
all the lessons that have been learned,
all of you.
*
There were so many times after my abortion when I wanted to walk away from myself.
When I made my decision I knew exactly why I was making it, but afterwards I let the world get in my head. I let other people tell me who I was and decide if I was worthy of love and acceptance.
It takes some serious self-reflection to get out of that nonsense but I was committed to having my own back. I got help when I needed it and stayed true to all the parts of me.
Episode 30 Self-coaching After Abortion
C- Abortion
T- I don’t know who that was
F- Disconnected, (small, closed, cold)
A- deny your past hence denying your present, spiral in what if thoughts, question your identity, beat yourself up, hide yourself and your story from loved ones, blame other people
R- Not getting to know the you who is here now
***
“Remembering is how we grow.”
☀️💛☀️
“Forgive and forget” is dreadful life advice for people who want to grow.
Remembering is how we develop ourselves.
Honor your abortion.
Remember who you are.
Reintegrate yourself with your new perspective.
Reinvent yourself.
Live the life you made your choice for,
and if you can’t remember what it was,
make something up.
You are in control.
Your life is lived one choice after another.
We choose, we feel, we adapt, and we grow.
This is how we thrive.
*
Abortion showed me more of who I am, and if I’m being honest at first that was some scary shit.
Having birthed three living children I knew I was capable of creating miracles. I knew my body and my mind were powerful and that my heart was open to so much love, but when I chose abortion the power of destruction freaked me the fuck out. I could say yes to making babies, but I could also say no. No one taught me that in sex ed.
But like a wildfire tearing through a forest, sometimes destruction is the only way to get healthy again. I did say no to the human version of my Baby Grace, but I most certainly did not say no to all the ways she continued to live in the creation of a new me.
Just because she doesn’t look and feel like my other kids doesn’t mean she isn’t loved. This work we do, including all 99 episodes of this podcast and all the social media posts, newsletter, and client calls I’ve had, THIS is co-creation at it’s finest.
Some people will say I’m making all this up to make myself feel better. Maybe I am, and I have no intention of stopping. We’re all making it ALL up. If you’re a human, you’re living in someone else’s made up reality. Might as well have it feel good along the way.
Living this life is how I choose to HONOR MY ABORTION.
Maybe a Baby
C- Abortion
T- I’ll pretend it never happened
F- anxious (buzzy, withdrawn, heavy, fast, hot)
A- not honest with yourself, not honest with others, denying your past, not living all of you, staying small, guarding/editing yourself
R- Living out of reality, pretending to be someone else
***
“Trust your feelings.”
☀️💛☀️
None of the things you are feeling are bad.
I promise.
They are all here for you.
Relief is here for you.
Shame is here for you.
Grief is here for you.
These feelings are all a part of you.
These feelings complete you.
They were a part of you before abortion and they will be a part of you long after.
The feelings we experience after abortion are complex.
They are supposed to be complex.
They are calling to us to step deeper into the fullness of who we are.
They are an invitation to become more authentically alive.
*
I spent a fair percentage of my 38 years before my abortion not feeling. In fact, I was pretty much a pro at it. I especially avoided the yucky feelings. I became a master feeling problem solver.
Have a feeling.
Don’t like it.
Change it.
But all that changing I thought I was doing was robbing me of the depth of my human experience. I thought I was making things better, but I was keeping them small.
The more we feel.
The more we feel.
When I felt ALL of my abortion I started feel more of the good stuff in my life too. On the other end of shame was acceptance. On the other end of grief was deep and pure love. The more we feel the more we feel.
My abortion helped me stop playing safe and start playing big. Big is scary and big is AMAZING. There’s no way I could have created all this without learning to allow my real feelings.
So many people come out the other side of abortion and get stuck in the “what if spiral”. They think if it had been different I would feel different. That’s partly true, AND there’s no escape from the human condition. Abortion or not, we’re all human, and in one circumstance or another we’re going to be invited to feel ALL the things
C- Abortion
T- I just want to stop feeling
F- annoyed (edgy, hot, heady, tight)
A- resist reality, revisit the past, overthink, play small, blame, lie to self, lie to others, look for the escape door
R- Feel more
***
“You’ve been given the tools to face new challenges.”
☀️💛☀️
“I can do hard things.”
“I can have my own back.”
“I can slow down.”
“I can love myself in all the ways I’ve been craving from others.”
Savor these lessons.
These are the tools that will land you the promotion,
help you find your life partner,
guide you to create new things.
What you’ve been looking for your whole life is already within.
You were born with the ultimate all-in-one software.
Your mind is the most valuable thing you own,
and no one can take that from you.
You’re here.
You’re reading.
You’re whole.
The world is at your fingertips.
*
One of the things I love about this post is that it acknowledges the reality that more often than not, we’re over complicating things. The fact that we are here, and listening means we’re already pretty whole. Abortion can feel like a big bump in the road, but all things considered we’re in pretty good shape. It could actually be a whole lot worse.
Sometimes a reality check is exactly what we need. Not to deny our feelings, but to understand them from a wider perspective.
If I’m being honest about my own abortion I can confidently say that Abortion didn’t really teach me anything new, more accurately it continues to remind me that what I already know remains true.
And my only work is to remember to remember that.
Life is always asking me to
“do hard things.”
“have my own back.”
“slow down.”
“love myself in all the ways I’ve been craving from others.”
Coaching after abortion, especially self-coaching was a way of reflecting back what I already knew.
Coaching is key to unlock our remembering, in a world where it’s far to easy to forget how much we already know.
C- Abortion
T- I don’t know what to do
F- anxious (heavy, tight, buzzy, swirly)
A- seek external resources/validation/ and or comfort, look for lots of answers and don’t really apply them, assume other people know better, beat self up, question self, don’t do/try anything
R- Don’t learn what to do, or hear the actual answer you already have inside
***
