Courage in the Face of Opposition
I stepped out of my comfort zone last December when I submitted something I wrote to Mothering Magazine. Yesterday it was published and my comfort zone was blown out of the water. In the face of adversity I didn't just survive, I thrived. I am stronger today than I was before I hit send.
Many people have wondered how I could be so brave as to share my pregnancy termination story publicly. For me the question is more "How could I not?" I have a beautiful family. I have an extended and supportive community. I have done years of self-discovery, self-coaching, and thought work to prepare me for this ultimate service to women. I have all the strength and self-love I need to set this story free. Not just for myself, but for the millions of women who feel alone and have never shared their story. I've been called to support them, and I can not walk away from that.
In the months that followed the termination I took notes, gathered resources, compiled stories. I wrote them in a document that I haven't looked at in a while. Today I opened it and the header of every page reads this:
Write it for one person; if it helps one person...
There were a few hateful, angry, dogmatic comments in reaction to the publication, but they had nothing on the messages of love and support... the private messages thanking me for sharing my story, the women who shared a little piece of themselves in response to my tiny bit of courage. For those women I would stand in a landmine of "haters", for those women I will let this be the beginning not the end.
And for those of you who are still wondering "But how? How can you be so brave?" I want to share a little bit of my process. A process I intend to share lots more of in my life coaching work.
I've learned from many great leaders and mentors the power of the thought, and from countless others I've taken bits and pieces and put together a process that has the power to change everything. The power to bring strength to weakness, clarity to confusion, and courage to fear. This is that process:
Thought
Question
Action
Let me explain. Every thought leads to an action. No matter what my thought, I have control of my actions through the questions I ask about the thought. We learn in our early reading days that there are six question words: who, what, where, when, why, and how. I propose that through a series of six questions we have the power to find answers from within, and take action that drives us forward.
Here are the six questions I use:
Who does this thought belong to?
What purpose does this thought serve?
When am I ready to release this thought?
Where do I need to put this thought next?
Why am I giving this thought power?
How can my WHY and or purpose lead me to my next action?
BAM! Game Changed!
Sometimes it takes just one question to lead me to a forward thinking action, sometimes it takes all six, and sometimes I have to keep running the questions until I find clarity in an action oriented answer.
Using my "fear to courage" example above, I'll show you what it looks like.
Thought:
-What if sharing my story results in people rejecting and or judging me?
Who does this thought belong to?
-Me based on previous experience of being judged, and a collective thought from millions of women who have faced judgement for their choices.
What purpose does this thought serve?
-It keeps me in my comfort zone. Suggests I stay safe by staying quiet.
When am I ready to release this thought?
-NOW
Where do I need to put this thought next?
-Aside. I will thank it for trying to protect me and step forward anyway.
Why am I giving this thought power?
-Because I'm not sure I'm strong enough to stand against it.
How can my WHY and or purpose lead me to my next action?
-My purpose is to hold space for women to grow. Publishing my experience will give thousands of women space to breathe and thus space to grow. My WHY is to feel FREE. Sharing my story frees me from the chains of other people's opinions about my experience, and it allows me to live in my purpose which is my ultimate FREEDOM.
