Holding Space for Abortion
Episode 3 of Master Coach Week
Caryn Gillen is a life + business coach for entrepreneurs and coaches who are stepping up into leadership of the businesses they love. She helps them hone in on the gifts they bring to the table, break free from any rules in their way, and do it all with more ease and fun. Find out more at www.caryngillen.com
Show Notes:
4:02 “There’s a huge parallel in business and birthing”
4:36 Caryn’s introduction “My name is Caryn, I got here because I love humans…”
5:07 “Holding space for the versions of ourselves who got us to where today, and for the version you who is out ahead”
5:23 “...not shame myself for what was, and not beat myself up for what isn’t yet”
5:33 “...to be curious observers of our present moment as we create the future, and rewrite the past in whatever way we need to”
6:50 How Caryn knew she wanted to be a life coach
7:34 Caryn’s therapy degree as a kickstart to coaching
8:55 Coaches Training Institute
10:17 “what’s teaching and what’s coaching and how do we hold space for both”
12:12 Much of the grief that we experience is loss of who we were
13:34 I don’t know who that person was who made that choice
14:02 How do we hold space for the version of ourselves who made the choice?
14:49 “We never make the space in our mind for this thing to happen, so we have to create the version (of ourselves) fresh”
15:15 Abortion isn’t a part of our game plan
16:12 “all the emotions are accurate and perfect”
17:11 “If something feels off… if I go back with judgement free curiosity… I was doing the best I could”
19:18 How do you know when you are in a safe space?
20:13 “most of us automatically work to create safety wherever we are”
20:39 “Do I feel safe here? Do I trust this person?”
22:03 “If you’re gonna go in and be willing to risk your relationship, how do you warm up?”
24:24 “How do I want to take care of myself after I share (or don’t share)?”
24:38 I held space for my future self, by choosing ahead of time to have my own back
25:40 How do we hold space for ourselves?
26:50 Safe therapists after abortion: Jessica M Harrison, LCSW (friend of Caryn), Juliet LeBien, LCSW-R & LICSW (mention me as a referral)
28:59 How do we find the right people when we are looking to process something?
29:37 Working with someone who will help you tell a neutral story about your past
30:20 “How is this just facts on paper, and I can neutralize some of the huge emotion around it?”
30:51 “We hire people’s energy when we hire coaches”
31:52 “Some people might not want to have an empowered story, they might just want to feel better”
32:30 Narrative therapy
32:35 Story vs. Facts
34:54 How do I tell the most boring and true story about my abortion?
35:27 “Awareness first… if you do nothing else you have changed your brain, and changing your brain is changing how we live our lives”
37:35 “If it feels big and hard get help to do it, and if it doesn’t feel big and hard but you just want to do it faster, get help to do it faster”
38:43 How do we BE with things that we don’t understand?
38:57 “You drop the idea that you need to need to understand to be able to relate to a human… holding the space is dropping your agenda…”
39:20 “What can I do to just be here now with the human in front of me?”
40:11 “if you feel like you are hustling at all then the focus is on you”
40:22 “I don’t have to have the right answer, there is no right answer. I’m not going to do anything wrong, wrong doesn’t exist.”
40:55 “Nobody said this wasn’t supposed to happen this way”
41:39 “The most discomfort we have is when ideas that we believe in don’t happen or happened differently than we thought that they should or were supposed to”
41:57 We don’t get to decide what’s perfect for ourselves, or each other, our past, or our future.
42:31 “I think it’s important that we talk about all the parts of being a human” This is a part of our human story.
