Honor Your Desires After Abortion
This episode is part two of a four part series. Should you choose to participate, by the end of the series you will never think about your abortion the same way again.
Happy listening and as always feel free to send me your reflections and questions.
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Show Notes:
Welcome to week three of the four part Honor Your Abortion series. In week one we talked about honoring your feelings, in week two we talked about honoring your decision. If you haven’t listened to those episodes and or have unresolved thoughts about your abortion, be sure to go back. For a limited time, there’s a set of free worksheets at www.amandastarkingsley.com/honoring-abortion , those will help you sort out some of what’s happening for you, but you may also find it’s time to set up a exploration call with me to talk about your unique situation. You can do that right on my homepage or at the link I just shared.
This week we’re going to start exploring more of what’s possible in this beautiful life you have come here to live. We’re going to talk about love, magic, miracles, and the abundance all around us, so that you can open your heart and start receiving the gifts of the life you made your choice for.
Little breaks my heart more than someone who believes their life has been cast in darkness as a result of the choices they have made or the cards they have been dealt. This is simply untrue. Every single one of us is designed to experience love and receive abundance. The only thing in our way is the thoughts we think about ourselves and the world around us. There is truth in the fact that some of us have more challenges to overcome than others, but it’s also true that every single one of us has the capacity and the capability to recognize our desires, revel in every little bit of them, and sculpt a future that is lighter and brighter than our current reality.
Take a moment to look around you. Everything you see is connected to a desire that you have had: a piece of art that caught your attention in a shop on vacation, a seat that fit perfectly in the corner of your favorite room, a plant given to you by a friend you chose. In one way or another everything in your life right now can be tied back to a desire you sent out into the world.
Some of you are thinking, I didn’t pick this, I got stuck here or it was my only choice. Keep tracing back, at some point you made a choice based on something you wanted, and what you see now is a ripple effect of that choice. This is good news! No matter what life looks like right now, if you can accept that it’s here based on your previous desires, you are now back in the driver’s seat of your life. If your past choices brought you here, where are your current choices leading you? Next week we are going to talk more about sculpting a future of your creation, but this week we are going to sit with what it is we truly desire in our lives.
Let your imagination run wild for a few brief moments with me. What is it that you really want in life? Grab a pen and let your truth flow from your hand:
What are the things in life that bring you the greatest joy?
What makes you smile even on your darkest days?
What material possessions have you always dreamed of having?
What places have you longed to visit?
What relationships have wished to experience?
Who have you always dreamed to meet?
Where have you envisioned settling down?
Keep asking yourself new questions to spark new creativity. Nothing is too big or too small to desire: a new pen, a partner who is home more, a future family, a multi-million dollar business… Play with it all in your mind and let it tumble to the page.
When you made your choice to terminate the pregnancy there was something you wanted, something that you believed would bring you more joy than carrying to term. It may have felt rushed or scary; it may even have felt like you lost control, but somewhere beneath all that there was a knowing in you that said “not this” “something better” “something else”.
In Glennon Doyle’s most recent book Untamed, she asks us the question, “What’s the truest, most beautiful story about your life you can imagine?” I ask you to explore, “What’s the truest, most beautiful post abortion story you can imagine?”
Abortion is a part of your past, nothing can change that reality, and whether you see it as a gift, a curse, or a happening, your future is wide open and it’s asking you to explore what it is you desire. What is it that your heart longs for? If you could believe that anything was possible, what would it be:
What would you believe about the world?
About the pregnancy?
About yourself?
Your body, your mind, your heart…?
Let everything fall away for just a few moments. Pretend there’s no patriarchy, no stock market, no glass ceiling… Who do you want to be in a world and a body with no restrictions, what do you want to create? Maneuvering your way around reality can come later, for now let your wild imagination fly.
In every single moment you are becoming someone. She’s either more of you, or less of you. She either knows what she wants and keeps stepping toward it, or she tells herself she’s forgotten or it no longer matters. Abraham and Ester Hicks tell us “Desire is natural and never ending, you were born with an incredible zest, thirst, and desire for more because you are an eternal being.”
Perhaps you’re like me, and before your abortion you were living a perfectly acceptable and delicious life, having a baby was not in your want plan. Perhaps abortion was your wake up call from a bad relationship, or a hard lifestyle. Maybe you want a family someday, but your pregnancy came too early. Or perhaps terminating a pregnancy you didn’t want was the very thing you needed to know how much you wanted a baby after all. There’s no right or wrong desire in this life. Whatever it is you want it’s perfectly yours and meant to be. Now is the time to go after it. You honor your abortion by feeling all your wants without shame or expectation.
Just the way you chose abortion I invite you now to choose life. Choose to honor your desires by treasuring them as uniquely yours. They are here for a reason. Amber Lilyestrom says, “If the dream is in you, then it’s for you.” All of your desires are your dreams, they may be as simple as an ice cream on a sunny day or as legendary as a non-profit for women’s reproductive health. There’s no desire that doesn’t deserve your attention even if for only a moment of pure pleasure.
So as you write your lists and journal some of the things I’ve talked about today, I want you to take a moment to look back. Read everything you’ve written and take a breath after each of your wants. Feel what it would be like to have that thing in your life.
How would life be different if more of what you want was actualized?
What would you start doing?
Stop doing?
Keep doing?
Who would you become if you had more of what you want?
