Doula of Words
Yoda Olinyk is a writer, editor, poet, and abortion support worker. She currently provides "what she needed" after an abortion to folks in need of healing through the power of words and community.
Learn more here: https://www.doulaofwords.com/
Show Notes:
Hi Amanda,
I know it's been a while since we've talked but I wanted to send you a message of gratitude.
When we first talked (around this time last year) I was a shell of myself. I knew you saw my suffering and it honestly freaked me out a bit!!
Since then, I've been following your content and your podcast and so much of what you share has helped me beyond measure.
I remember you sharing, early in our conversation, that some people are able to find deep meaning in their grief. I absolutely did not believe you!!
But today I just finished my first day of Abortion Doula training. ♡ Today I talked about my abortion openly. Today the healing shows.
I know we didn't work together on an official capacity, but I have sent (and will continue to send) people your way because I truly believe you are helping so many people. Myself included.
My hope is to lead writing workshops for people who have had abortions (when I'm done the training/ when the time is right) and start a book about my experience.
Again, I'm so grateful to you and your content. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
With love, Yoda
Writing circles- launching June 23, 2024
“I was drowning in these feelings that I kept trying to articulate to people”
“It’s all I wanted and …”
“I wanted to believe and I just couldn’t; I was a shell”
“Whoever was going to give me an abortion the quickest, that was the route I was gonna take”
“I don’t deserve to be supported through this”
“I don’t want kids; why is it so upsetting to see these moms with their kids?”
“The list of places I couldn’t go just got longer and longer until I was this little shriveled up version of myself”
“It made sense to me then I just couldn’t fin a way to articulate it to people I loved”
“Everyday I woke up feeling so grief stricken; the shame spiral just got deeper and wider and darker”
“It wasn’t until that moment that I saw that I was pregnant, that I was confronted with— all of that is a confronting reality; it’s not a theory anymore”
“I didn’t know it until I knew it”
“This life is not for me”
“Now I have no choice but to embody that knowing, that I will never be a mother”
“How do you grieve something that you don’t actually want? Why do you grieve something that you don’t actually want?
I didn’t think I was a person who could choose death in that way
Choosing me
The power of taking life really rocked me
Identity shift of using power in that way
Expanding in all the directions
My capacity to be human doesn’t just come from the nice stuff
“Maybe that’s for other people, but not for me”
“That’s great for them but it’s not for me… I’m not as deserving”
Relapse with drugs and alcohol- self-medicating
“I knew the kind of parent I would be”
“Children deserve to be born to parents who want them”
“I’m willing to sacrifice this pain I’m going to feel for the sake of this child”
“Oh this is actually a gift… this is a gift that I gave”
It’s a weird grief to have
“Different relationship with my own mother after my abortion”
“We are about to see the influx of children that are growing up to parents who didn’t want them, to women who were forced to have them”
“You can’t course correct that feeling of being unwanted by your parents”
“Today there were 1000 babies born who weren’t wanted… it’s gutting”
Numbing of our feelings
“There had been too many examples of people not giving me the response that I wanted”
“I felt like no one could hold my grief with me”
I understand your grief vs. I see your grief
“I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to someone who is a parent”
“Am I the only person whose ever had an abortion because I don’t want to be a mother”
Your experience is only yours
Saw 4 different therapists
“This resentment that I had… I was pissed off at the whole world”
“How is she gonna see where this grief is from” if she’s not like me
“The initial healing was very much a trickle instead of a stream”
“Being cracked open the way that I was”
“There’s very few other things in your life…”
What is that part of us that fights so hard to be different?
It’s okay of I don’t want any version of motherhood
“Cemented that fact that I had to accept about myself”
Abortion shows you what you haven’t embodied
“What is left to be healed?”
“It’s work that I’m willing to do now”
“When I saw you see me, I couldn’t even look at myself…”
Trusting oneself
If I trusted myself what next small step could I take?
“I trust the evolution of this work”
Even if the worst thing happens, that was a vision worth fighting for
If the vision is strong enough it will pull you back out of the pain
“It ends with me” a childfree life
“The only thing abortions aren’t is rare”
“As soon as that moment happened the floodgates opened”
Exhale text line
Wild Writing
“Get it into the safe space, which is the page”
“The thread os not abortion; the thread is love”
The Angsty Pod
