In Response to SCOTUS

On Friday June 24th 2022 The United States Supreme Court overturned Roe vs. Wade. This episode is my response to that decision and my call for us all to show up and fight for our rights with the sound of our voices. One of the most powerful ways we can make a difference is to accept and discuss the complexity of abortion, making room for all people who need and desire this basic healthcare that is abortion.

If you need additional support please contact me or book a consult call to see if my program is the right fit.

NEW! Transcripts thanks to the amazing Cassie Moore who is volunteering her time to provide these important notes for us.

00:02

Welcome to The Speaking Light Into Abortion Podcast, where I talk about all the reasons it's possible for you to thrive after your abortion. I'm your host, Amanda Kingsley. And two years after my own abortion, I certified as a life coach. So I could serve women after abortion in all the ways they've been deserving and lacking for centuries. Consider this your launchpad for finding strength and community in yourselves and in each other. 

All right, it is Monday. Friday morning, most of us learned that the Supreme Court of the United States overturned Roe versus Wade. And there are lots of people who can talk to you about the politics of that, who can talk to you about activism and what to do next, and how to support our rights in this country. And I can do some of that, and I will. But I want to offer you today. What my work, how my work fits into what's happening in our country right now. And maybe you can hear in my voice, I don't exactly know. I'm going to share with you what it's been like for me. And maybe it's been like that for some of you or it'll just be helpful to hear how I've moved through this. There's no right or wrong way to do this week, this month, these coming years. We're just all being called to show up and do what we can to not walk away. I learned actually, I haven't told her yet, but a friend of mine texted me on the morning of the decision. And it was, it was the way I heard about it. I think it was really just minutes after the decision became public. But I hadn't opened the news. And she had. And so as soon as she did, I found myself Googling, that's what we do, right. And I, that morning, I had had what are my favorite mornings, which are I live in a beautiful place. And I take a cup of coffee out onto my deck. And then kind of sort through what's on the agenda for that day. 

3:06

What's most important for me is to give my attention to summer vacation here for school, the school year, so my kids are popping in and out asking me questions. It was just an absolutely beautiful morning, and I poured a cup of coffee and headed out on the deck with me feeling just so much joy for the world. Not for the world. I said that wrong joy for my life. And I mean, I guess right like my bubble of the world in this life. I was just trying to soak that in and let it fill my cup because I do this work every day, I show up to be the best human I can be every day. And so it's really important for me to take all the opportunities I can to fill my cup so that I can pour to you from an overflowing cup and not an empty cup. And so I was having that morning where I was just kind of absorbing and marinating in my privilege as in like I live in a safe, beautiful place. I have clean air and clean water. I have a cup of coffee I have a roof over my head. I have white skin right like all the things that make my life what it is and appreciating that and having gratitude and being able to use that to give back in the ways that I can. So I poured that cup of coffee and I put it on the deck and what I remember and why it's relevant is that after I got her text and after I went to the news.

04:53

When I looked at that cup of coffee, previously it was joy. It was pleasure. It was nourishment, argue with me about nutrition on this one. No, thank you. It was so much. And then after I went to the news, try not to get emotional. I looked at that cup of coffee and I thought, fuck, I'm gonna need a lot of coffee, to get through this next stage right to get through these next steps. I don't know how I'm gonna do it, I don't know how we're gonna do it. But I'm gonna keep pouring coffee. And I'm gonna keep taking the moments I can to fill my own cup so that I can keep giving to you. And another privilege I have is to live in a state that is actively working to protect our rights as citizens from laws that go into effect in other states in our country.

06:11

So yeah, I need a lot of coffee. And I might need some alcoholic beverages. And I might use some things like caffeine and alcohol to get me through. But please don't take that the wrong way. It's okay. It's okay that I might want a beer every once in a while.

06:36

It's okay that I might watch too much Netflix every once in a while. It's okay that I might escape every once in a while. Everything in moderation and everything the way we need it. So that was a little tangent about, my escape mechanisms. So that coffee looked really different after I learned about the news. And I learned all this at about 10:40. And I had a client call at 11 o'clock. And I thought how am I going to do this? Like how am I going to show up for her like we have a beautiful relationship. She's invested a lot of money and time and love into our work together. And I don't want to I don't want to not be there for her. And I wanted to get it right. Like I didn't. I didn't want to mess it up for her. And then I thought who better a person for her to talk to the morning of this decision than me like, this is what I do. This is who you are Amanda, like, get on the call. You can do this. And so I set everything aside. And I opened my computer, and I got on a call with her and I'm so grateful to her. I caught on the call in the illusion that I could be strong. And when I say the word strong, I mean our like socialized understanding of strong that doesn't fall apart. What I know to be true of as strong as all the things strong is all the feeling strong as everything I talk about in my work. And so even though I got on the call thinking like don't fall apart, Amanda don't fall apart. I know that falling apart. And the rawness and realness of how I show up in the world is just part of my gift. 

8:53

So I did let well what happened is I got on the call and I was telling myself You can do this Amanda stay strong. And I think I might have said one sentence to her before I literally burst into tears. And she hadn't heard the news yet. So she was like, oh shit, why are you crying? What do you need? How can I help you? And so I told her the news. And we worked through it, and I let myself cry and I let myself feel and I let her feel and you know, in really just a few minutes of letting the truth come out. We were able to move into her coaching call in such a beautiful way. And I was just pause because I was like, oh my god, are you recording this and I was able to do what I do best. Right? Like one thing I've been very grateful for This week this weekend is that I already know what to do, I already know how to help, I already know how I'm going to make a difference. I just have to keep doing it. So getting on that coaching call with her directly after I learned of the, of the decision for both of us was so powerful. And so if she's listening, I want to give another gigantic shout-out for her being in that space with me. And to both of us for showing up in all the realness of those moments.

10:46

So then that morning, I had started writing you all a newsletter, on my news on my mailing list, which you definitely should join, if you're interested in. I don't know what social media is going to look like moving forward, I don't know how many people my message will reach with the algorithms, I already think it's pretty underseen for a lot of reasons. But if you really want to make sure you stay connected to my work, make sure you're on my mailing list, just go to my website and join the list. I think it's in the bottom of the click down, send me a message, join on my Instagram link whenever you can. But I had started writing a newsletter before I found out and then finish it after until I spent the afternoon finishing that newsletter. And at first, I thought I need to erase everything I had already wrote and start over and I left it and I just added what felt true to me at that time. 

11:53

And then I got ready for an annual event that we go to every year with my family. So the first year, I was going with just my kids and not my husband. It was a music festival. And I did not want to go, I did not want to go. I thought how can I experience joy right now like that? It's too hard. And it's not right. And don't want to go. And I came back to what was true for me, which is that I can't stop filling my cup. And we can't stop experiencing joy. And we can't stop being around people who share our values. And we can't stop making art and enjoying art. And so I rallied myself. And then I spent the next evening and two full days at the most beautiful music festival. And I did open my phone, I did. I most certainly prioritized checking in with clients if they needed me if they wanted to connect. I checked my messages occasionally, but mostly I detached. And I stepped away. When I took in the moments at the festival, where the world's news was present was the kind of festival where most of the musicians addressed and acknowledged what was happening for reproductive rights and justice.

13:50

 And so it took those moments I did some really, you know, I let myself cry, let myself feel I let myself see and look at every person at that festival and acknowledge how much their lives just changed. Even if they too are taking the weekend to enjoy and allow themselves to be a part of the festival. And I kept reminding myself that I do this work every day. And I'm going to continue doing this work every day. And it was actually a great opportunity for me to let other people take the reins. A lot of people are fired up right now a lot of people are sharing a lot of people are speaking their voices into this conversation. And so I sat back mostly and let other people do the work for the weekend. Knowing I was gonna have plenty of it to do when I sat my ass back in this chair and jump back into, to my purpose of my calling and my work here. All the feels. So I don't know what it looked like for you, please send me messages, tell me what's happening for you. But as soon as I found out, everything just felt heavier and thicker and different, and I can't say that that's really changed. It does still feel heavy, thick, and hard for us and for our kids, and for the world.

15:47

So I can't say that's changed, but I'm finding myself, I'm adjusting to this new reality. And one of the things that are so hard about this decision is that it's not just about abortion, it's about humanity. It's about privacy. It's about LGBTQ rights, it's about racism, and it's about so much more than abortion. And so, I think that's a lot of what the heaviness is we all know how passionate I am about reproductive care and our access to abortion, and are having space to process all the feelings around it. Without that, without those feelings being used against us. But this is not just about abortion, it’s so much bigger, and so it does still feel heavy. But I'm going to recalibrate, and I'm going to figure out how to act in this new environment, I'm gonna figure out how to do my work with this new added weight. And I hope that that's what you will do too, ah, oh, my goodness, I did have some notes in front of me, and I haven't looked at them at all. Okay, so some of the ways I'm managing some of the ways I'm recalibrating, and adjusting are to take it in bites. I am interacting with the world and the news and social media, in my very full inbox at bite-size pieces that allow me to also live my life, like we all have lives, right, we all have other things going on. 

17:56

This weekend, we have family members returning from travel, family members leaving from travel, and we had a whole medical thing that we had to deal with. We have the next 48 hours and are very busy. Personally, in our personal lives, and so we're all I'm just taking this work, my attention to the causes that are important to me in bite sizes that fit into my regular personal life. Because I can't not be human. I can't just, I mean, I can I guess I could leave my family lock myself up in a cabin and just do this work for the rest of my life. But honestly, I think the quality of the work would kind of suck, right? Because that's the whole point of my work is the complexity of it all. So, I'm managing by taking it in bites. And I even when I opened my phone, I kind of asked myself like can I digest this right now? Like if I open something that ignites something in me I or just start scrolling and see that there's lots of information coming at me. I asked myself can I digest this right now is engaging in this elevating or dampening what's in the highest good. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. Sometimes seeing something that ignites my rage is in the highest good. And sometimes seeing something that ignites my rage is not in the highest good. And so, there's no rules. It's literally learning it is the work I do with all my clients. We take abortion as an opportunity to learn who we are and how to how to engage in the world and so I know, I know my radar, I know what's in the highest good. I know when in when listening to the news is not in the highest good. And I check in a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. I also remind myself that there's no right way. Like I was even afraid to open this podcast like, am I going to say the right thing? Am I going to do the right thing? Is it going to be understood the right way? Is it going to be used against me? Is it going to be used against us?

20:35

And where I'm reminding myself, there's no right way to do this, everything is allowed, just like there is no right way to feel after abortion, everything is allowed. And so, however, I show up, maybe I'll learn like, oh shit, that didn't come out the way I thought it would. And now I'm going to listen to the response. And I'm going to reengage and learn and adapt and grow and expand, to get back on track with the highest good. I also remind myself that I can't and don't have to do it all. And that what I want to do, and what feels aligned for me is the right thing. So, I really check-in. Frequently around am I doing this? Because I want to or am I doing this? Because I feel like I should because I have to because if I don't no one else will. And again, these are the tools that I've learned and the tools I teach since my abortion. I know how to honor what I want. And I know that that is what's in the highest good. I'm not gonna get into it now. But there are very nuanced understandings of what it means to want, do I want to be doing this? Do I want this to be our reality? No. But it is our reality. And so, I know how I want to show up with that truth in mind. So, the ways that you can manage, you know, those are some of the ways I'm managing the ways that you can manage are to hire me, let's work together. Let me help you work through your own experiences with your own abortions, or without abortions and your own experience in life as a person connected to abortion as a person connected to reality and humanity. I mostly do abortion coaching, but I also do general life coaching, and I can help you work through this, I can help you find the tools that I use. And I don't use these tools to become numb or some kind of superhero I use these tools, to show up and speak my truth and allow myself to feel all the things. 

23:00

I use these tools so that I can record a podcast from a deeply emotional place and share it with the world. Where 1000s and 1000s of people will listen to it. So, hire me, and let's do this work together. But I know that's not possible for all of you to go back and listen to my abortion, and honor your abortion series. Use that to do this work on your own. Keep listening to it over and over and over again. I think it's episode 26 way at the beginning buy and share my book, you could take one piece of that book, and let that be your kick-off point for how you're going to show up. I use the book in a way where I open it and just trust that whatever I open to is what I need at that moment. Share it, and tell people about it. Tell your bookstores about it, and tell your libraries about it. I believe so strongly that when we face the complexity of abortion when we allow ourselves to have all these thoughts and feelings about abortion, that's what will change the general population. That's what will change the laws. That's what will change how our government takes care of its people. Right now. The abortion conversation is so binary that it's like all or none and there are millions of us in the middle. There are millions of us who have complex feelings about abortion and still believe in access. We still believe that it is healthcare. And we don't have to let our shame our guilt even our regrets stand in the way of someone else's right to have access to health care. The work I do if you share it will change lives. I believe that so much. And it's why I keep showing up to it. So please tell people what I'm doing. They don't have to agree they don't have to like it. But knowing it's an option in the world is life-changing.

25:30

There's an episode, I think it's Episode 30, about self-coaching. Listen to that, learn that again, hire me, and I will help you understand how to self-coach yourself through this, how to be coached through this. But if you can't hire a coach, if you don't have a therapist, who uses a more active coaching approach, then listened to that episode over and over and over again, I haven't even listened to that episode for so long. So, I'm assuming it's still good. I'm sure, I am positive that my expertise and nuance around coaching have drastically improved since I recorded that, you know, over 100 episodes ago, but the basic principles are the same. Learn how to coach yourself through this. Don't let it overtake you. Coaching is about awareness. It's about observation. It's about acceptance of what is, it's about not fighting reality, but working with it, working through it, working around it. Self-coaching is a tool to show up in a deeply powerful way. We can have rage, in a place of resistance. And I don't mean resisting what lawmakers are passing, I mean, resisting what is true. We can have rage from a place of victimhood, or we can have rage from a place of power. 

27:23

Learning the tools surrounding the work of coaching gives you that power back. Resistance is an amazing thing when the foundation behind it is solid and grounded. And empowered. resistance from a place of victimhood anger, and blame is not not powerful. But I don't think it does the same work. That's possible when we come from a place of awareness and power. So, I mean, listen to that episode, but write down your thoughts. Ask yourself, you know, write if you write down 20 thoughts, ask yourself, Are these all true? Is this? Is this thought even true? Or is it just a sentence I keep repeating in my mind? What else could be true? How is it true? How is it not true? Who am I? How do I want to show up? If this is the truth? How do I want to show up if this is my truth? I pause because just go listen to all I've created so much content in the world. Like you can get through this by interacting with my content. And so, learn how to take care of yourself in your mind and your brain with a deeply rooted connection to your heart. And that is how you move through this and make a difference. Get yourself in supportive circles. 

29:10

So, if you're opening social media in its loaded with visions and beliefs that don't align with yours, don't be don't isolate yourself in a way of denial. But don't keep reinforcing and reprogramming that shit in your mind. Like get away from um, go back to that question like is engaging in this is digesting this elevating or dampening the highest good. Sometimes people will make comments on my work, or they will send me messages and I can tell that they are struggling, and they maybe have been raised to believe that abortion is a sin and they're really trying to figure it out. They're really trying to understand and then some people engage in my work or send me messages and, and it is, it is a block situation, it is a goodbye, I'm not engaging in this, I don't want to see your beliefs, I don't want to see your thoughts. I don't want to use my energy for you. So, get yourself in circles that are supportive. I mean, one of the easiest things to do is to go to my Instagram, like, see who I'm following. That is the main platform I use. So, if you if you want to use social media, like yes, I have Facebook, but Instagram, go see who I'm following surround yourself by people who believe in our basic human rights. Start weeding what you're taking in matters. And again, I am not a proponent of put yourself in a bubble and avoiding the news, I think there are times in our lives when we need to do that to take care of ourselves. 

31:01

But in general, I think we need to learn how to engage with it, we need to so this is not about like, cultivate a feel-good, happy, positive space. It's about cultivated a space that is engaging in productive action, a space that aligns with your values and is willing to look at the complexity. That's your job to create, to surround yourself with the people and places that matter. And if you live in a very conservative place, if you have a very conservative family, that’s the beauty of having a phone, like load up your podcasts, you know, create your environment and social media. I grew up in a place where I felt like a lot of what I thought I believed I grew; I grew up in an amazing place. But in terms of like, a lot of my beliefs around entrepreneurship and making money so we can change the world. A lot of those beliefs, I felt like I wasn't locally surrounded by the kind of people I wanted to be until I found them online. Like some of my best friends are online. And I'm okay with that. Like, there's so easy these days to surround yourself with people who, who you want to, you know, digest what they're putting out. 

32:23

The more I did that online, the more I was then able to come back to my community and find it because I was more centered in who I wanted to be, and it being okay. But if you live in a place and I live again, I live in an amazing, liberal, like, beautiful place. But even still here, I some of the things I was looking for, I had to find online. And I did. And so, I surround myself with people locally, and people globally, who helped me do my best work in the world. And I just want to say I refuse to believe that your action isn't enough. Like literally you reading my book will change will have an impact, you listening to this podcast will have an impact. You heal in one little piece of yourself one little piece of your story, finding one little piece of power is enough. If you're a protester and you want to stand somewhere with a sign, don't not do it because you think it isn't enough. A phone call to a senator, a congressman, or a representative is impactful. If nothing else, even if that email or voicemail you leave gets deleted and never listened to. You said the words, you changed who you were by taking one action I'm working on. I'm hoping to get out a bunch of flyers about Independence Day this year and what it means to us who those of us who are rights have been stripped away in this nation we call an independent place.

34:12

And, you know, some of the words I put on that on the bottom of those flyers are our actions fuel change, like? Yes, thinking and feeling and create cultivating a safe place in our mind is amazing. And it does change how we show up and it does have an impact. But taking action, making that phone call donating that money, organizing a protest, calling together a circle. Speaking on a podcast, writing your own book, action is what's going to change the world. And so the work is about aligning your thoughts and feelings so that you can take the action you need to do for change. Go look at my series taking action for abortion, you'll find that on my website too. It talks about how you can make a difference. I created that series after the Roe v Wade draft leak. That's an amazing content, there is a way that you can show up and make a difference. Please go interact with that, hire me, I'll walk you through the whole thing. What you do is enough, please don't tell yourself it's not. We are all affected by this. Whether we're willing to admit it or not all of our lives have been positively impacted by abortion. Maybe it was a schoolteacher you had who got the care she needed and then impacted you. Maybe it was your mother or grandmother who had access to abortion and was able to create a life for you. That is what it is. Maybe it was someone who was able to make a move, or a job change because of their rights to accessing abortion care. 

36:27

It is 100% impossible that your life has not been positively impacted by abortion, I don't care if you are right wing, Republican,  Christian, pro-life human being your life is what it is because of abortion. Maybe it's the money you invested in. And if you refuse to look at women, guess what the men out there in the world who have who are, where they are, are where they are because of abortion. Deciding how we want our lives to look, and not taking on the burden of growing a family that we're not ready for allows us to do our work in the world, every single person out there has been positively impacted by abortion. And we need to start seeing that we need to start talking about that. We don't know we have no idea the impact of accessing reproductive justice, care or access. Accessing abortion when we need it. Maybe it was someone in your life whose wife was going to die without abortion care. And because they got an abortion, they're available to be in relationship with you. I can't I mean, it's like countless ways that your life has been affected by abortion. So please keep remembering that keep telling people that everyone is living the life they're living right now because of the care that we have access to. And I can't even imagine what it's going to start to look like as we lose access. In instead of thinking about that, I'm just going to keep taking it one step at a time. So, I'm recording this and releasing it the week of July 4, which in our country is Independence Day. That's a crazy reality to think about. 

38:49

Keep following me I am going to try and put out a lot of content around how we can engage in Independence Day in a nation that is grown on stolen land that is founded on white supremacy, racism. And that now is stripping away the rights of women and people who need abortions. We literally would not have a nation without our uteruses without our bodies. And somehow enough people landed themselves in power, that the rights of the bodies that made this country are no longer in place. It's shocking. It's really shocking. I do stand by my belief that voting whether we believe that our government and our system is corrupt, or perfect or just. Voting and giving money to campaigns that protect our rights is among the greatest impact we can have, whether we like it or not, whether we wish it were different or not. Our country is set up as a democracy. And who we vote into office matters, this shit show we're in is because of who we voted into office. It is because of the people who didn't think their vote votes mattered, or because of the people who thought I'm gonna vote on one particular issue. And hope the rest doesn't make a difference. I don't know, I don't know. But we're, we're here because of who we voted into office. 

41:03

So there are a million ways to make a difference right now. But if you really don't know what to do, find the campaigns that are protecting our rights, send your money, send your time, send your energy to change what our government looks like. And I know it's complicated. And I know it's messy. And I know it's not perfect. But we're here because of people's votes. And at this point, the way our system is set up, we need to get out of here with our vote, then we can figure out what to do next. Okay, well, that was really long. I hope it was helpful in some way. Please reach out, please engage in more of this work, I'm going to be honest with you like I, my client, my calendar is not full. I have room for so many more people in this work. And I also put in a lot of unpaid time, a lot of unpaid time. And I know that yay, crying again. I know that in the end for my vision, is going to be worth it. If I died today, I know it'd be worth it. But please spread my work helped me be able to keep doing this work. And the way I do this is right now through paid clients and through the sale of my book that makes some small difference through the sale of my programs. Donate money if this podcast has been helpful to you. I have an open Venmo I have an open PayPal. It's hard for me sometimes to receive money because I think I just should be doing this because it matters. But the truth is, I have a life and a family, and I want to keep doing this work without getting burnt out. So, if you can support my work financially in any way, please do I will receive that with grateful open arms. And if you cannot, please don't leave, please stay here. You never know how you sharing or interacting with my work will make an impact. And who knows maybe you'll connect me to the next person who can financially support this passion and purpose in the world.

43:55

Next week, we're going to return to probably some guest interviews. This podcast has a lot more to talk about. Thank you for listening, and please be in touch.

44:19

Thanks for listening. And as always, please consider sharing rating and reviewing this podcast. It helps me reach a wider audience and invites more people to thrive after abortion. If you're someone who chose abortion and find yourself struggling, hiding, or wishing you could move beyond your experience. Head over to my website and book a free call. We'll talk about how you can start living the life you made your choice for you.

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If you are one of the 1 in 4 who have had at least one abortion in your lifetime,
and you are not thriving the way you desire: